The Curse of the ‘D’ Cup

It is a misconception that big boobs are a blessing. I sometimes fantasise about my reincarnated self and she is everything I am not. A perfect 32B. Small, blonde, dainty, a jaw dropping hourglass figure and a manipulative seductress. She (I) will stand around airport terminals looking sweetly incapable of lifting anything heavier than a credit card whilst looking for ‘Mr Big and Muscle-ly’ to carry my bags.

Such is the stuff of dreams! The truth is that blokes look at me and expect me to help them with their luggage.

This deviates a little from today’s gripe which is all about bra wires. I can almost hear the collective “I hear you sister” from those of you cursed to wear an underwire bra. You understand the discomfort, and appreciate our chief complaint regarding these feats of modern engineering; that devastating moment when years of faithful, unappreciated support turn nasty and that wire tries to stab you to death.

That’s right it’s ‘The Revenge of the Bra Wire’.

There are some simple solutions to extend the life of an underwire bra. Read the washing instructions ( oh, stop laughing!) which tell us to wash by hand in luke-warm water. Reality is the majority of us will chuck it in the wash with everything else playing ‘Russian Roulette’ that this won’t be the load where those pesky wires work loose and blow up the washer! You can save this supportive friend by popping it in a lingerie bag and using the gentle cycle. This, however, will only delay the on-set of the dreaded boob stab.

I once had a bra that I wore out. It lasted for years and the only reason it had to go was because its elasticity finally exhausted its capacity to recover after years of wrestling a bouncing pair of “DD’s” .

Naturally, amazed that it had never tried to impale me, I conducted an autopsy and discovered something fascinating. Unlike every other bra wire that had attempted to kill me with it’s sharp, raw metal edge these wires were plastic tipped. Smooth, plastic coated wire tips. No wonder it couldn’t cut through!

The solution obviously lies in it’s manufacture. A one step addition to the production line. The fix is simple, inexpensive and surprisingly, rarely used. I can only assume our lingerie manufacturers don’t want their product to last any longer than our expectations would dictate. I now take the time with every bra purchase to feel the wires and I only buy those that are tipped. If you’re an Underwired Gal, do yourself a favour and learn to check before you buy!